Ring Shopping & Improv
If you don't know someone's ring size, don't go buying them jewelry.
During some classes I teach, I'll have a revelation of a new way of describing something, or a new method for relaying a lesson. Last weekend, we had our in-person dramatic improv intensive, and the question came up about gifts. When we endow our scene partner with character details, there can be some hesitance on the part of the gift-giver. What if the recipient doesn't want to portray the thing we've endowed them with? What if it's outside their comfort zone or their wheelhouse? How can we avoid screwing this up??
Well, the approach I tend to go with is to focus on endowing yourself first and foremost (this is an Annoyance Theater thing; I didn't invent it), since it gives you a solid foundation from which to add to the scene. And to my mind, since you know what you're comfortable with, you can go hog wild in your choices, AND it lets you focus on yourself, be a little selfish, leading to character wants and objectives and yay, magic- look, a scene is happening! But, beyond that, sometimes your partner could use a gift, or you're just inspired and want to lay something on them for their character. So, what then?
Too often, there are jackasses in scenes who like to endow characters with things that will make them uncomfortable, on purpose, just to screw with them and get attention/laughter. We used to call this "pimping"; now I just call it being a jackass. I’ve never found this funny or helpful, and all it does is break trust and respect between players and makes the entirety of performing harder and more awkward. This is supposed to be enjoyable. After all, we're players, not workers.
Outside the obviously offensive/degrading/cruel things you could gift your partner, most of the time, the scenic gifts are completely without malice and are absolutely benign. But this still stops some players from giving gifts at all. They worry. They sweat. They ask their partner open-ended questions about themselves, which creates an air of a new relationship rather than an established one. It's no fun for a gift-giver to worry about how a gift might be received.
Oddly enough, giving gifts in scenes is much like giving a gift in real life. If I've recently met you and your birthday comes up, I'll give you something small, basic, and universal. A gift card to a department store, perhaps. If I later learn that you like to cook, maybe I'll get you a cooking class somewhere or a sous vide machine (IYKYK).
But until I know you well enough that I know your ring size, I'm not going to go buying you jewelry.
The same thing applies to scenic gifts. Starting out, keep the gifts small and simple. Take the pressure off yourself to be “interesting” or to give them “the perfect gift”. You’re not there yet. You don’t know their ring size or jewelry preferences. After all, it's one thing to call a character "mom"; it's an altogether different one to label them an alcoholic.
If you've gotten to know me and you know I'm okay playing certain kinds of character, then cool, go for it! You’ve probably seen me endow myself with a specific kind of character. But until then, keep your gifts small and focus on your own stuff. You know your own ring size, so you can bling yourself up as much as you like. You can still give me gifts, and I'll appreciate it, but if you give me something really specific to certain tastes... I might wish I could return it.